#3…Just This One Moment…July 2007

I burst into this month like a tap dancer on fire…losing 10 pounds the first two weeks. However, by mid-month my inspiration and motivation seem drained, and I find myself in a familiar place…I am ready to quit. I want to quit Weight Watchers. I want to quit writing. I can’t think of a column. I find myself swept up in a giant irrational flurry of insecurities and self-doubt. Slithering somewhere in the back of my mind is the fear that I will fail once again. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wonder if I should just quit now. In the midst of this I find a gorgeous rent house and begin to move in. I am exhausted and overwhelmed. What if I do fail? Or worse, what if I do succeed? What then? I am nervous of leaving the comfort of my misery that I love to wear like a silk wrap. I have a cute little habit of always being nervous and paranoid. Once, I decided to visit a psychiatrist. I had always imagined a psychiatrist visit to be deep and life changing like in the movies. I would sit there on a leather couch, and tragically, yet beautifully, chain smoke as I listened intently as the “doc” shared monumental life changing advice. There was no leather couch, no cigarettes, and no monumental advice. He suggested I suffered from depression and that losing interest in things was one symptom. I stopped seeing him that day. He had an annoying habit of judging me anyway. “I just need to focus. I need to not lose track.” “Please God; send me a little inspiration…”A smile surprises my face, and my heart high-fives itself. I realize I am doing something I have never done before…I set goals, and I am actually accomplishing them. I lose 5 more pounds and now weigh 169.3. Inspiration strikes, and I reclaim my motivation (just in the nick of time). In this one moment I am happy. And isn’t that all we can hope to change…or enjoy…or live anyway? Just this one present moment…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s